


maybe you're too much (maybe i'm not enough)

by babytobin_horse



Category: Women's Soccer RPF
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-19
Updated: 2016-03-01
Packaged: 2018-05-14 22:46:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 12,194
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5761786
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/babytobin_horse/pseuds/babytobin_horse
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hope Solo’s entire existence is complicated. It’s all she’s ever known - nothing has come easy to her in all her life. The words of her story have been scratched out and written over too many times to count. She’s been tore apart and slowly pieced back together again. Her trials and tribulations are a part of her now; it’s something she’s learned she can’t change.</p><p>Kelley O’Hara is perhaps the most complicated thing in her life.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. one

_ “It doesn’t even look like the USA can win this tournament right now.” _

Hope rolls her eyes, closing out of the article. She’s had enough of the world doubting them, that they can win this tournament. This isn’t the way they should be playing, of course. Hope knows it, but they’re getting the job done, aren’t they? Finishing at the top of their group, shutting out every game - they’re getting there.

“Are you okay?” Carli asks, looking up from her book. “You look like you’re about to strangle your phone.”

The goalkeeper chuckles softly. “It’s just some stupid article about us in the tournament. All stupid.”

Her friend shakes her head, letting out a soft tsk as her attention returns to her book. “Should’ve turned your phone off like me,” she teases.

Hope laughs at the midfielder, putting her phone down. “Sure Carl. I’ll be back, clear my head a little.”

She hops out of bed and pulls on some slippers, promising she’ll be back soon. They’re playing a quarterfinal game tomorrow and Hope thinks she needs a little extra time by herself. To think. To get away from others. Win this one and they go to semis. Win this and it’s another step closer to winning what they were so close to four years ago. They need this more than anything.

Hope makes her way to the conference room they were in just a few hours ago for dinner, figuring it’ll be empty. She’s done this before every match so far. There, alone, she likes to clear her mind of all that’s going on, all that’s on the line. In those moments, she finds peace in herself. It’s something she started doing once she returned to the team, a simple getaway before it all becomes too much for her.

Except this time as she pushes the door open, it’s not empty. At the far end, a small figure sits curled up in a chair. There’s a messy bun at the top of her head and she’s crouched into herself. Hope recognizes the figure almost immediately, her body tensing for a moment as her heart thuds a little louder.

The figure hears the door open and turns around, a surprised expression on her freckled face. Hazel eyes widen when she recognizes Hope at the door.

“Oh hey,” she says after a moment, sitting up a little straighter.

“Kelley. Hi,” Hope manages to reply, halfway in the room. “I didn’t know you were in here.”

The smaller woman shrugs, offering an awkward smile. “Kind of just wandered in here honestly.”

Hope nods and there’s a beat of awkward air. It’s not like her and Kelley never talk - they’re teammates for crying out loud. It’s just that they haven’t been alone together in what’s probably become years now. Not like Kelley would want to be alone with Hope, she guesses. Hope wouldn’t even want to be around herself after everything that’s happened.

“Well,” she finally clears her throat, growing more uncomfortable the silence grows. “I’m just going to let you do whatever you’re doing in here…” Hope starts to back out of the room, but the younger woman’s voice stops her.

“No, you can come in,” Kelley tells her. “I don’t….I don’t mind.”

Hope’s skeptical about that statement, but Kelley isn’t completely shutting her out (she hasn’t for awhile now, really) so she takes it as a sign and walks into the room slowly, closing the door behind her. “What’s going on?” she asks, walking towards the woman cautiously. “Can’t sleep?”

Kelley sighs, tugging at the sleeve of her hoodie she’s wearing. “Yeah, something like that.”

Hope nods, placing herself in the chair two away from Kelley, trying to find a reasonable distance. She’s not really sure how she’s supposed to act right now, doesn’t fully understand the boundaries because there’s too much between them it’s messed everything up.

It’s silent for a few more moments until Kelley speaks again. “Um, Jill wants me to start tomorrow.”

This makes Hope look at Kelley with raised eyebrows. “Really?”

She knows Kelley’s been in and out of positions on this team. 2012 was an absolute stellar year, but with injuries and coach changes over the years, being in the starting lineup has been difficult for her. She’s better than Jill thinks, Hope knows this. She knows because she spent all of London 2012 completely amazed by Kelley O’Hara, forward-turned-outside-back, who played every damn minute of that tournament in front of Hope’s net. She couldn’t have been prouder. 

“That’s great Kelley,” she adds. “Where are you playing?”

An uneasy expression crosses Kelley’s face as she plays with the drawstrings of her jacket. “Well, with Cheney and Pinoe sitting out, she wants me at outside mid.” Her eyes are suddenly interested with the drawstrings she’s playing with, avoiding Hope’s gaze.

The goalkeeper’s eyebrows furrow together. She’s confused. “That’s...interesting,” she finally decides. She realizes Kelley hasn’t looked up at all, only offering a hum of agreement. “How do you feel about that?”

“It’s fine, you know, helping out the team however I can.”

“Kelley.”

There’s a firmness in her voice that makes Kelley’s eyes snap up to meet Hope’s. There’s always been something intense in her ocean-like eyes that makes other people look away or back out, but there’s one person - besides Carli, naturally - that’s been able to handle it. One person who, once she’d seen enough of Hope’s layers, could hand it right back to her.

“Bullshit,” she claims. “Tell me how you really feel.”

The air is heavy for a moment, an underlying meaning there. Hope thinks she might’ve said the wrong thing, accidentally triggered something inside of Kelley when the woman’s silent for a moment, staring at Hope blankly.

“I don’t know my place on this team,” she admits, letting out a sigh. “I thought...I thought after the Olympics I’d be set, you know? I had my place, I was starting and playing almost always, but then…”

“I know,” Hope says quietly, nodding. “The surgery, Tom, Jill…”  _ Me _ she doesn’t add to the list.

“And now I’m sitting on the bench every game, being put in a fucking midfielder’s position - I don’t even know what I’m doing here anymore.” She lets out a frustrated groan, her back hitting her chair as she throws her head back. “I haven’t played significant minutes in forever. Do I even have a purpose in this tournament?”

Kelley’s looking at Hope with a hopeless, confused gaze and the goalkeeper suddenly feels like she’s been taken back to another time. She feels like she’s back to the day where Kelley constantly sought her out for advice, wondering if she belonged as a defender, questioning if she could even pull it off. 

For a moment, she’s not sure what to do. It’s been so long and hasn’t even had a decent conversation with the freckled woman. Does she even have a right to see Kelley this exposed? To see her at her weakest? It feels like she’s lost this privilege a long time ago. But those eyes aren’t leaving Hope’s face and she knows she has to say something because Kelley could quite possibly burst into tears if she doesn’t.

“I’ve seen what you can do,” she starts, keeping her voice steady and even so Kelley understands everything she’s saying. Hope maintains eye contact with her to as she continues. “You’re one of the most incredible players I’ve ever seen. You adapt quickly, sprint up and down the flank like no one else, and you’re just as useful in creating attacks as you are in defending. I know Jill isn’t like Pia, doesn’t give you a specific position to play, but if she sees you playing an outside mid tomorrow it’s because you’re capable of it. If you can go from Stanford’s record-breaking forward to playing every damn minute of the Olympics with a gold medal at the end, you can make it as an outside mid.”

Hope finishes, letting the words sit in the air. She wonders if Kelley can hear the sincerity in her voice, and if she can, does she believe it? There’s been too much between them, but she prays Kelley knows out of all times, she wouldn’t choose now to confuse her. There’s too much at stake, for her, for Kelley, for the team. Kelley’s looking past her now, eyes glazed and Hope can almost see the gears turning in her mind, processing what Hope’s said and trying to figure out how to feel and what it say. It’s strange how easy it is to read Kelley in her lost and scared state even after the distance they’ve put between themselves.

“How do you do that?” Kelley asks, eyes fixing on Hope again. There’s almost a scoff that comes along with it, but not quite. She’s in partly in disbelief and Hope just looks back at her with a neutral expression, trying to keep it simple.

“Do what?”

“Say the right thing at the right time,” the younger woman explains. “You’ve always done that.”

The taller woman just shrugs. “It’s just something that happens, I guess.”

Kelley nods slowly, letting the silence sit between them. Hope doesn’t know how she’s ended up here, all she wanted was some time to herself before tomorrow’s game. Instead she’s run into the most complicated part of her life and had a serious conversation with her. This is all way too much for her to handle right now - they’re in the middle of the biggest tournament of their lives for crying out loud.

“Come on it’s time to head back, we’ve got a big day tomorrow,” she finally says, standing up.

The younger woman nods, scrambling up from her chair and tugging the bottom of her hoodie. “Right, yeah. Let’s go.”

The walk to the elevator is awkward, as is the ride up while Hope leans her back against the wall of the elevator while Kelley stands in front of the buttons, staring blankly. Hope watches her, taking her in because she hasn’t been so close and alone with Kelley in years. She wonders how they’ve found themselves in this position, how this elevator ride could be high on a list of awkward encounters Hope’s ever had. But she stops because she knows, she just wishes she didn’t. She remembers the crying, the look on Kelley’s face, the adoration Hope didn’t deserve - everything.

They exit the elevator, Hope following behind Kelley as she walks down the hall towards her room. They’re still quiet, footsteps being the only sounds heard throughout the space. When Hope finally gets to her door, she slides her card in and just as she turns the knob, she hears Kelley behind her.

“Thank you, Hope.”

_ It’s what I’m here for _ she almost says, but that hasn’t been true for years. 

Instead she turns, seeing Kelley a few feet away from her now, going to her own room. “You’re going to be solid tomorrow, KO.”

The whole interaction keeps Hope up later than it should.

 

* * *

 

Kelley starts as an outside mid as planned. She gets subbed out in the 61st minute. But she’s contributed more to the team thank she thinks. Hope knows this, she’s been keeping an eye out for the freckled player for the most part. She ran up and down the flank and tried to do the best with what they’ve been given, looking a little frustrated when she’s taken off the field almost midway into the second half. Honestly, it’s not the perfect game. They could’ve played better, but they won again and that’s all that matters.

After the game, as everyone begins to pile the bus Hope manages to catch Kelley alone outside. She’s fiddling with her headphones, trying to untangle them before she boards. Hope nudges her shoulder to get her attention.

“Solid job out there.”

“Thanks,” Kelley nods, surprised to find the goalkeeper at her side.

Hope offers a nod in return and continues to make her way to the bus, leaving Kelley to untangle her headphones.  
  


Montreal’s beautiful with all its sights and pretty scenery. It’s such a shame, honestly, to get to travel all around the world, but not really get to experience or see the places. Hope’s contemplating this as they exit the bus and make their way into the hotel. The travel’s rough, but she’s slowly been getting used to it. Sleeping and reading usually help pass the time, so does the occasional conversation with Carli if they’re both feeling up to it.

There’s just one problem, though. They received room assignments today for their stay in Montreal. Hope woke up to read the team text from their staff to find it typed out neatly in the middle of the list.

SOLO/O’HARA - ROOM 310

Hope had blinked and read through the text multiple times, wondering if she’d read it wrong. They hadn’t roomed together in over three years. Hope doesn’t know if it was a mere miracle or if the staff just knew, but she hadn’t been asked to room with Kelley since 2012. She’s not sure what kind of sick joke this all is, first with the conference room and now this. But as she walks into the hotel Kelley’s already there holding their set of room cards for the next couple of days.

“Hey roomie,” Kelley says hesitantly as Hope approaches her. “I have our keys,” she informs Hope, handing one to her.

The goalkeeper thanks her, tucking hers into the pocket of her sweats. “Ready to head up?”

“Mhmm,” the younger one nods, fingers playing with the headphones in their possession.

Hope lets out a quiet sigh, begging in her head this won’t be as difficult and awkward as it’s looking to be.

As soon as her bags were in the room and her bed had been picked, Kelley quickly made her way out of her room, mumbling something about “Alex and Tobin” before walking out the door. It left Hope in the room by herself, but that could only last so long. Before they knew it dinner had come and gone and the two were stuck together in their hotel room, only a handful of words exchanged between them. Hope’s flipping a page from her book when the silence breaks.

“Hope?”

The goalkeeper turns her attention away from the book, finding a freshly showered Kelley O’Hara looking at her with those big hazel eyes. Her hair’s still wet, leaving parts of her oversized t-shirt wet. Hope can’t help but noticed that Kelley looks so much younger than she really is in this moment, a certain shyness in her voice. It tugs at Hope’s heart in a way she knows it’s not supposed to.

“Yes Kelley?”

Kelley bites her lip, and shit Hope wishes she wouldn’t do that. “Do you think I’ll play in the semifinal?”

Hope blinks, surprised at the question. She marks her page, placing her book on the nightstand before repositioning herself so she’s sitting upright. “Why are you asking?”

“I mean, with Cheney and Pinoe off their suspensions they’ll probably be put back into the starting line up, which takes me out,” the younger one explains. “but do you think there’s any chance I’d go in?”

“You did well against China,” Hope starts, catching the way Kelley’s eyes light up a little and she tries to hide the content expression that’s threatening to break out onto her face. “I can’t say you’d start, but I’m sure Jill will want you on the field at some point.”

Kelley nods slowly, chewing at her bottom lip again. She lets out a pensive hum, exhaling slowly. Hope watches her for a moment, watching the way her mind works as she zones out. Hope knows this look, it’s the same one Kelley had multiple times leading up to the Olympics. The nights she thought way too long and hard about her transition to full back, wondering if she could do it. The nights she’d text Hope asking if she was awake, and they’d talk for hours about everything and anything.

Back then, Kelley thought the world of her. Now, Kelley probably hardly thought of her at all.

“Hey,” Hope says suddenly, moving to the edge of her bed. “Stop that.”

“Stop what?” Kelley asks, attention back on Hope.

The goalkeeper gives her a look, quirking an eyebrow. “You know what. You’re doing it again.”

The smaller one crosses her arms, frowning. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“You’re thinking too much,” Hope explains, shaking her head. She slides out of her bed, sliding on her slippers. “Come on, let’s go.”

“Where are we going?” Kelley raises an eyebrow, but hops off her bed, slipping on the closest pair of shoes. “Curfew is-”

“You act like we haven’t been out past curfew before,” Hope smirks, giving a look that dares Kelley to argue with her now. “and that you cared about being out past curfew.”

It’s the first hint of the past either of them has mentioned since it all went down years ago. Hope wonders for a moment if she said the wrong thing when Kelley just stares up at her for a moment, caught off guard. She immediately tries to think of something to say to diffuse the situation, to distract Kelley from what she just said but the younger woman walks past her and towards the door a second later.

“You coming or not, Solo?” she asks over her shoulder, already halfway out the door.

Once realizing Kelley isn’t upset, the goalkeeper quickly follows the smaller woman out of their room and down the hall.  
  


“Why do you think there’s so many stars in the sky?”

“It’s the way space is, Kelley.”

“Yeah, but like, there’s  _ so many _ !”

“Yes, because there are supposed to be a lot. You know how the solar system and stuff works, don’t you?”

“I mean, kind of. Stars die and more come in, everything revolves around the sun, space is really big, blah blah blah.”

“Okay, Stanford. Real education you got there.”

“Shut up, Hope.”

Hope only smiles, a soft chuckle escaping her lips. They’ve been sitting on the roof for over an hour, passing time by talking about whatever topics come to their minds - anything but soccer. She almost forgot how easy it all is with Kelley, how the every problem in the universe seems like nothing. How Kelley can ramble on for hours about nothing in particular. Kelley seems to have forgotten too because she’s just as invested in their conversation as Hope. It almost feels like old times, except there’s a respectable amount of space between them and Hope catches herself glancing at Kelley more than she should.

Kelley lets out a quiet yawn, eyes still glued to the sky when Hope checks her phone, tucking it away when she reads the time.

“Okay space genius, time to go to bed,” she announces, standing up.

“Alright, I guess,” Kelley sighs, but there’s a smile on her face. She stands up as well, following Hope back to the door.

As they make their way back to their room, Hope can’t help but feel lighter. Something inside of her seems to be moving all over the place. For the first time in a long time she feels comfortable around Kelley. She isn’t walking on eggshells in the woman’s presence, afraid to upset her or cause a scene. 

“Thank you,” Kelley says quietly once they’ve both settled into their beds.

The only thing Hope can say is, “Feel better?”

“Mhmm.”

“Goodnight Kelley,” she murmurs into the night.  
  


* * *

 

Rooming with Kelley is easier now. Hope isn’t thinking too much about what to say or what to do. There’s no lengthy silence between them now, it’s filled with small talk and laughing and sometimes just quiet where they feel just fine.

She almost forgot how Kelley can make her laugh so easily. How her most honest, genuine comments are so amusing Hope just has to crack a smile. 

“Come on Kelley,” she groans, standing by the door of their room. “We have to be downstairs like  _ now _ .”

The sink’s running in the bathroom, a sign Kelley’s probably still brushing her teeth. A moment later the water stops and Kelley’s sprinting out and diving towards the shoes at the end of her bed. “We still have time!”

“Yeah, to barely make the cut if you don’t hurry up.”

“You’re always early,” the freckled woman grumbles, pulling on her shoes.

Hope rolls her eyes, unamused. “Being early never hurts.”

Kelley then stands, both shoes on her feet, and grabs her training bag. “Okay, okay I’m ready! Let’s go.” She dashes past Hope to open the door and begins to make her way to the elevators.

The goalkeeper only chuckles, following behind, making sure the lights are all off and the doors are closed.

Once in the elevator, Kelley begins to tap mindlessly on the metal bar against the back wall, watching the numbers descend as they reach the lobby.

“What’s on your mind?” Hope asks.

Kelley’s gaze breaks from the numbers to Hope. “I want to start against Germany.”

Hope nods, staring at the numbers for a moment, watching as it reaches one. She looks back at Kelley. “You have three days to show Jill.”

The elevator dings, and Hope walks out of the sliding doors without another word, leaving Kelley in her wake. Kelley stares at her for a moment, then quickly follows her out.  
  


Kelley O’Hara has literally been on fire all practice.

Not that Hope’s been watching her in particular or anything. The environment’s tough, standards are high - of course all around the quality is going to be better. It’s not her fault Kelley seems to be standing out more than the others. Or that Kelley happened to score on her -  _ twice  _ within a drill. 

“Dude, what did you have for breakfast this morning?” Tobin teases, a goofy grin on her face.

Kelley shrugs, freckles more prominent in the sun than usual. “I don’t know, just feeling it.”

As the field players go on to another drill, Hope can’t help but watch in between rotations for her own training. As Alyssa and Ashlyn do their rounds, Hope watches Kelley - the swiftness and awareness she posses. There’s something that’s lit up in Kelley - a chance of starting, of reclaiming the 90s she used to have - and it’s absolutely brilliant.

There’s a swelling in Hope’s chest that feels all too familiar. She felt it in Kelley’s first game as an outside back, in her first game as an outside back with a shutout, in Kelley’s first game of the Olympics, every tackle she made, every forward she chased down, every successful 90 she completed. Something inside of her is proud of Kelley.

But this time, Kelley’s doing it all on her own.

 

* * *

 

“Do you think anyone could hear me if I started singing?”

“I don’t want to find out, Kelley.”

“Why not? Not a fan of my singing?”

“You have better talents is all.”

“Like what?”

“Maybe stick to soccer, you know.”

“No soccer talk!”

“Sorry, whatever keeps you from singing.”

Kelley giggles, rolling onto her side to look at Hope. Hope senses it and turns her head, chuckling along. She allows herself to stare for a moment; Kelley’s eyes are closed and her nose is crinkled, her mouth slightly open as she giggles. The younger woman looks so carefree and relaxed, nothing like she’d been the weeks prior. Hope closes her eyes before she’s caught staring and turn her head back to the sky.

“You’ve been great in practice these past few days,” she comments as the giggles beside her subside.

“Yeah?”

“Mhmm,” Hope hums, turning again to see Kelley looking at her intently. “Looking good out there.”

Kelley only nods. She’s close enough so that Hope could count the numerous freckles on her face if the goalkeeper really wanted to, close enough to see the flecks of brown that look golden mixed with green in her eyes. Deep in her stomach, a feeling begins to form. She knows it too well - hasn’t felt it in perhaps years; it’s trouble. So she looks back up at the sky.

“I thought this was no soccer talk,” Kelley says softly, a moment too long after Hope turns her head.

Hope shrugs. “I just thought you should know.”

“Thank you.”

Her words are so full of honesty and sincerity it almost makes Hope cringe. That was Kelley though. She didn’t believe in herself nearly as much as she should, and not seeing the field lately has only made it worse. Up there, on the roof of their hotel in Montreal, Hope knows she’s in deep shit because Kelley O’Hara is sitting right next to her and she’s never felt more right in her life.  
  


This time when Hope goes to the conference room in this hotel, it’s empty. Everyone’s having their individual meetings with Jill tonight and Hope’s was the first. She figures while Kelley’s out of the room with Alex and Tobin before her own meeting she could get some time to think. Taking a seat in the chair at the farthest end, Hope lets out a long sigh as she slouches into the furniture.

Tomorrow’s by no means easy. Germany was going to be their toughest competition all tournament and she needed to be in the right mindset. The right mindset being - as Hope decided earlier that morning - was to stop getting distracted by Kelley. Of course, it was great to be talking and friends again, but there’s a World Cup on the line. She needs to be completely in it.

Lost in her thoughts, Hope hardly hears the door open half an hour later.

“Hope?”

She lifts her head up, turning to face the door. From here, Kelley looks so small. She’s standing with her back against the door, shoulders slouched. Hope can’t remember the last time she’s seen the woman look so tiny, but it reminds her very much of the day Pia told Kelley she’d be playing as an outside back now.

“Kelley, what are you doing here?” she asks, sitting up.

The freckled woman shrugs, slowly making her way over. “You weren’t in the room when I came up. I figured you’d be in here.”

Hope doesn’t say anything. Instead she watches Kelley make her way towards her. Once she’s close enough to Hope, she climbs into the chair and pulls her knees to her chest.

“I’m not starting tomorrow,” Kelley mumbles against her legging-covered knee.

“You’re not?” Hope asks, half-surprised.

She shakes her head. “Pinoe and Cheney are good to go, she’s leaving Moe in the midfield with Carli. Backline’s been solid...there’s no place I’d go.”

And deep down, they both knew it all along. They knew Kelley wouldn’t start because Jill had this line up set from the start. So Hope only looks at her. “You’re going to do big things one day, KO. It might be this tournament, it might be the Olympics, but you...you’re too good of a player to let it all go.”

Kelley stares at Hope for a long moment. “There you go again, saying the right thing at the right time,” she says with a hint of a smile.

The goalkeeper wishes she’d stop doing that. Stop looking at her like she’s still the best thing in the world. There were nights Hope dreamed Kelley would look at her like that again. Here she is, doing it right now. Looking at Hope and possibly putting her on a pedestal she doesn’t belong on. Kelley’s too trusting, too forgetful of their past.

If she was Kelley, she’d never forget. Never stop remembering.

  
They sit in silence for awhile before deciding to go back up to their room to sleep. 


	2. two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Can you believe we’re here?”

Hope knew in her bones this would be the biggest game of the tournament. Not because of how far they are, but because Germany is a damn good team. What only feels like a few minutes into the match, Moe possibly has a concussion (Hope isn’t sure, despite trying to gauge the young midfielder’s state of health), but continues playing. Halfway into the second half, Germany’s awarded a PK. Julie’s sobbing on the field (Hope wants to both yell at and comfort her at the same time, but there’s no time for that). 

“Fuck,” she mutters under her breath when Cecilia Sasic approaches the ball.

The rest of her teammates yell encouragements and instructions at each other, Julie’s still crying - so Hope can only think of one thing: psych Sasic out. She steps out of the goal and starts talking to her opponent, pointing to the ball until the ref finally tells her to get on her line. There’s a slight, almost unnoticeable hesitation on the German’s face, but it’s enough for her. It has to be enough because the whistle blows a moment later.

Sasic misses.

Hope’s teammates let out a cry of relief; she herself lets out a breath. Julie’s still on the edge of the box, wiping her tears. The goalkeeper sighs and runs over to her, placing her glove-covered hands on either side of the rookie. 

"We got it," she yells, in what she hopes is an encouraging tone. "We're still in it!"

Julie nods and with a reassuring squeeze Hope jogs back to her goal, turning to see Ali and Alex surrounding the rookie and giving her words of encouragement. 

Six minutes later, Alex is fouled in the box. Carli Lloyd scores - yet another - penalty kick.

Hope’s antsy. They need another goal. Germany’s pushing for an equalizer and she swears they’re beginning to find holes in the defense.

The whistle blows. A substitution is made. Hope’s eyes widen slightly as that stupid feeling makes itself known in the pit of her stomach.

“Kelley O’Hara on for Tobin Heath.”

Hope shakes her head, eyes back to the length of the field. There’s a game to be won. There’s a final waiting for them in 15 minutes if they can pull this off.

What happens nine minutes later is nothing short of amazing.

Kling leaves her position as outside back to join the attack, creating an option for them down the line in their attacking third. She dribbles along the line of the 18-yard box until she finds space to slide the ball through to Carli. Carli cuts it back and dribbles, faking her defender for a moment.

Hope knows she can’t shoot from there. If she wants to cross it someone has to make it into the box. She doesn’t think Alex can get there without being marked.

Carli sends it anyway, and Hope’s about to let out a grunt of frustration before an actual flying Kelley O’Hara practically karate kicks the ball into the net.

Hope jumps up in celebration. Kelley’s running around with the most excited expression Hope’s ever seen on her face before she jumps onto Carli and their teammates surround them. She can’t stop the big smile from appearing onto her face. A feeling swells in her chest, that same feeling she got during practice, the same one she received over and over in 2012. 

This time Kelley’s really doing it all on her own. Every practice she shined in the past few day paid off for this exact moment. 

Six minutes. They’ve got this. 

And they do. 

The whistle blows and Hope throws her arms up with a grin on her face. To the final they go. Everything they’ve wanted for the past four years is now just a few days away. 

Lauren Holiday’s kneeling on the ground, holding an excited Kelley in her arms. The rest of their teammates join in on the love, surrounding them and attempting to pat Kelley’s head. Hope can’t hear what they’re telling her - the stadium’s too loud and the women are talking over each other as usual - but in this moment Hope’s never been happier for Kelley. 

Hope finally makes her way over as the team’s slowly pulling away from Kelley to hug each other and to hug the staff. Once Kelley sees her coming, her smile impossibly widens and she sprints over to meet her. 

“Come here,” Hope laughs, wrapping her arm around Kelley’s shoulders and pulling her in. 

Kelley laughs with her, allowing herself to be pulled. She nestles her forehead into one side Hope’s neck as her hand reaches up to touch the other side. Hope can practically feel the smile on her skin. She can feel the warmth Kelley’s radiating and it’s not because she just played a little soccer. But in this moment, Hope doesn’t care. She doesn’t care she knows the feeling in her stomach is back and that Kelley should probably not do cute things like this to her. In this moment, they’ve just punched their ticket to the final and Kelley scored her first international goal. With her other hand, she pats Kelley’s side, a wide grin on her face. 

“I can’t believe I did that!” the freckled woman exclaims as they pull away from each other. 

They continue walking side by side towards the bench, both of them beaming. 

“Didn’t I tell you you’d do big things one day?” Hope teases, a slight smirk on her face. 

Kelley rolls her eyes, the smile never leaving her face. “Why couldn’t you have told me it was going to be today?” 

The goalkeeper chuckles, shaking her head. She lightly hip checks the smaller girl. “Couldn’t ruin the surprise.”

Their little moment is interrupted by another teammate coming up to Kelley, and Hope lets her be. She smiles, watching Kelley talk animated and excitedly amongst their teammates and friends. A few also approach Hope, hugging her and laughing and grinning like fools. 

Hope plays along, but all she seems to be able to notice is Kelley O’Hara and her smiling freckled-face. All she can feel is the pride swelling in her chest and that twist in her stomach.

 

* * *

 

 The next morning of recovery sails smoothly with everyone’s spirits high. Hope’s pretty sure everyone woke up in a good mood - with good reason. She herself had a smile on her face when the first thought that hit her this morning was “we’re going to the final.” Kelley was jumping up and down like a child, bouncing around the room to prepare for the day. Things were going well, incredibly well. For the team, for Hope.

 As the end of her recovery tasks approaches, she decides to hop into the ice bath with Carli, eyeing the other woman who looks like she’s possibly asleep.

“Hey Carli,” she greets, rolling up her top so it doesn’t get wet.

Carli opens one eye at first, peaking at Hope. “Oh hey,” she says opening both her eyes. “You finish?”

Hope nods, gritting her teeth at how cold the ice is as it surrounds her. “Yup,” she manages.

They sit in silence for a few minutes, Carli possibly dozing off again and Hope waiting for her body to go completely numb. Just when Hope’s scrolling through her phone and convinced Carli’s napping during a fucking _ice bath_ , she speaks.

“I didn’t know you and Kelley were friends again.”

Immediately, Hope’s eyes tear away from her phone. Her eyes meet Carli’s - now opened - brown ones that are staring at her. Hope knows she’s not accusing her of anything, but somehow it still feels that way to her.

She shrugs, looking down at the ice. “I guess we are. Just kinda happened.”

The midfielder hums and Hope knows she’s nodding her head slowly. “Things ‘just kinda happen’ when it comes to her, don’t they.”

This time the goalkeeper meets her best friend’s eyes. They hold nothing Hope would expect them to. As if she’s stating mere observations, but they both know she pushed the wrong button. They both know what she’s talking about.

“We’re just friends,” Hope states in a low, hostile tone. “This isn’t..it’s not 2012, Carli.”

“I’m not saying it is. I’m just telling you what I see,” Carli shrugs before checking her watch. “If you are, then good for you. I’m glad you both can look past what happened all those years ago. You know I just want you happy.”

With that, she stands and steps out of the ice bath, leaving Hope to sulk in the cold alone.

  
“That’s not true.”

“It is!”

“No it’s not, there’s no way.”

“I swear it is.”

“Whoever told you that is either a liar or an idiot.”

“I read it off a cap of a snapple bottle.”

“...Kelley?”

“Yes?”

“You’re an idiot.”

“It’s true!”

Hope can’t help but laugh, glancing at Kelley out of the corner of her eye. The freckled woman is staring at her with a slight furrow in her brow, which only widens Hope’s smile. Kelley huffs, her shoulders slouching a significant amount.

“Fine, don’t believe me,” she says, crossing her arms and looking forward. “Your loss. I just told you a really cool fact.”

“Yeah,” the goalkeeper rolls her eyes. “Really going to miss out on that.”

They settle into a comfortable silence after a few more chuckles from Hope and a fierce pout on Kelley’s part. Hope realized the night sky is pretty in Canada, especially in Vancouver. A second later she thinks the defender (or midfielder now?) next to her is also quite a sight to behold. Her eyes widen at the realization of her thoughts. Hope feels uneasy, the knot in her stomach seems to be growing and the silence almost seems like too much. She can’t be feeling like this again - can’t make the same mistake.

“Can you believe we’re here?” Kelley muses, breaking her out of her thoughts.

“It’s crazy,” Hope replies, but she’s talking about more than the final.

“Us and Japan again, who would’ve thought?”

“Full circle,” the older one suggests, hinting a smile. 

She turns her face to look at Kelley, thinking about how things are so different, but right now, in this moment, it’s as if nothing’s changed. Here they are, on the roof of a hotel in the middle of the night in a different country during a major tournament, spending hours talking, noticing the way Kelley’s freckles are scattered on her face, the way she respects Hope and her opinions. It’s so much to process.

After a moment she adds, “If I remember correctly you played outside mid in the last World Cup as well, didn’t you?” 

Kelley snorts, shaking her head at the memory. “The worst ten minutes of my career.” 

“God your face the whole time you were on the field was priceless,” Hope laughs, recalling the memory of a young Kelley O’Hara four years ago. “You looked like a scared deer, running around the field without purpose.” 

“Please, it’s so embarrassing even now,” the freckled woman groans, burying her face in her hands. “I was such a rookie.”

“Yeah,” Hope grins. “You were. What were you even thinking when Pia told you to stop warming up and go to the sideline?” 

She’s silent for a moment, then lifts her face from her hands. Kelley stares at Hope so seriously as she tells her, “Holy fucking shit.” 

It sets the both of them in fits of laughter so hard they’re clutching their stomachs. Despite everything coming in the days that lie ahead, Hope doesn’t remember the last time she’s felt so free. There’s nothing weighing her down, nothing nagging in the back of her mind. It feels so good to laugh and joke around.

When they finally settle down, evening their breaths and once again staring at the night sky, Kelley looks at Hope. For a few minutes, Hope keeps looking at the stars, pretending she doesn’t notice. She does it because she knows the way Kelley’s looking at her - knows the way she’s staring a little too intensely for Hope’s liking. The way she’s being looked at right now is Kelley’s thinking face, and Hope clenches her jaw a little because she knows something is going to come out of Kelley’s mouth. 

“Are you going to spill out whatever you want to say or are you going to keep staring at me so hard you might burn a hole in my face?” Hope finally asks, matching Kelley’s gaze. 

She thinks maybe time apart has made Kelley forget just how hard Hope eyes can look, how icy her blue eyes can truly be.

“Hope,” Kelley stars in a quiet tone, her voice still even.

And maybe Kelley hasn’t forgotten. Maybe she knows the gentle gazes Hope gives her when no one’s looking, when she thinks Kelley’s not looking.

“Three years ago, we-”

“No,” Hope says immediately, almost harshly. She looks back out to the sky and the tall buildings ahead of them. “Let’s not talk about this, Kelley.”

Out of the corner of her eye she can see Kelley’s shoulders sink, accepting the defeat. Three years ago, Kelley would’ve pushed back. Maybe this time she knows better.

“Hope?” 

It’s soft, quiet and hesitant. It makes Hope bite her lip. 

“It was a long time ago,” she says in a more gentle tone than before. She stands up, turning away from the stars and the buildings. “Come on, Kelley.”

After a moment of silence, Kelley’s still sitting, looking into the stars.

Hope turns, looking down at the defender. “We need to get back to our rooms.”

Kelley wordlessly obeys, getting up and following Hope back into the staircase exit. They make their ways back to their respective hotel rooms without another word.

Hope wonders what the end of Kelley’s sentence would’ve been had she not stopped her.

 

* * *

 

 It was strange, really. It should freak Hope out the whole day, but instead it makes her smile. There’s an excited buzz amongst her teammates, within herself even, but there is also a strange calm feeling inside each and every one of them. Yesterday, at their last training session, everyone’s spirits were up, the quality was arguably the best since the tournament started, and everything seemed to be falling into place.

In a different time, Hope would question everything about it.

This time, Hope can only let out a content sigh. 

It’s obvious to all of them - they just _know_. This is it, this is what they’ve come for - and they’ll get it. 

Hope’s more scared of the fact she had such a strong urge to kiss Kelley last night that she almost did. 

That’s what has her stomach in a knot. All she sees in her mind is the way Kelley couldn’t stop fidgeting out of excitement, how her eyes glowed with confidence in getting the start, how her freckles danced around her skin as she laughed. All she hears is Kelley’s playful voice turning serious, the slight drop in her tone and the way it’s so sincere Hope’s frozen in the moment.

“I’m so glad I’ve spent half of this tournament with you, Hope. I wouldn’t want to spend the night before the final with anyone else.”

For the first time in a long time, Kelley O’Hara had left her speechless. She’d been so overcome with emotion and everything she lost when she pulled away from Kelley. Her eyes had flickered down to Kelley’s pink lips.

Once. 

Twice. 

“Hope?” 

Her voice had sounded small again causing Hope to blink. 

“I’m...You’ve kept me sane through this tournament, Kel. You’re important to me.”

Kelley’s had lips settle into a gentle smile while Hope’s heart head beat erratically out of tune. She had spent the rest of their time together attempting to look anywhere but Kelley’s lips. 

The memory is enough to make Hope’s dizzy if she thinks hard enough. But as the day continues and her teammates continue the bouncing around, she’s able to push it to the back of her mind. 

“This is going to be a good one,” Heather O’Reilly says as everyone starts to make their way into the lobby, awaiting their departure to the stadium. “I can feel it.” 

Hope and Carli exchange a glance, smiling because they’ve never felt more together with a team than they do at this moment.

Everyone huddles together before they take the field. Abby’s yelling encouraging things to pump everyone up - Hope notices she hasn’t stumbled over her words yet. Her eyes scan the huddle, seeing the faces of each and every one of her teammates. The ones who helped her when she thought there was no way out, who welcome her with open arms. When she lands on Kelley, it sends a shiver down her spine to see that she’s already looking at her. 

She hates how Kelley Maureen O’Hara is the only person who seems to be able to do pull that off.

The younger woman nods at her and Hope nods back. _You can do this_ , it says. They had done it countless of times in countless of huddles in the past - before it all changed. 

“LET’S WIN OUR FUCKING WORLD CUP!”

Hope thinks for a while this game isn’t real. Maybe it’s a dream, maybe she’ll wake up and it’ll actually be 8 AM and she hasn’t even played yet. Because there is no way this is real life - there’s no way it’s come this easy. 

Carli scores in the first _minutes_ of the game. Hope can’t help but laugh because of course it’s Carli Lloyd, her best friend. She’s always had a knack for coming up big when it matters most. Minutes later she scores another and Hope just shakes her head and catches the way Julie’s jaw has gone slack as she jogs back to her starting position. And then Cheney delivers one of the most beautiful volleys Hope’s ever seen into the net and they’re up 3-0. 

It’s not like Carli’s done, though. Hope watches her take off, dribbling into the open space. She sees Alex making a run, trying to stay onside. The stadium is absolutely deafening, the sounds as Carli charges towards the halfway line. Hope thinks she’ll dribble it all the way down until she’s forced to pass it to Alex or someone else who can catch up to them. It doesn’t happen.

Instead, the midfielder fucking shoots from the halfway line - and makes it in. 

Hope can’t make sense of it - she doesn’t have time to because Carli’s making the long spring towards her and all the goalkeeper can seem to do is catch Carli when she jumps into her arms. They’re laughing and everyone else is surrounding them, screaming and patting Carli on the back. They’re up 4-0 in a fucking World Cup final. 

Hope sheds her first tear of the tournament.

“Okay, we’re not done yet!” she calls out as everyone begins to disperse, but no one can deny she has the biggest smile on her face.

So maybe they let an own goal happen. Maybe they let Japan get another one back. But Tobin scores to give them the three goal advantage and everyone’s buzzing around the field, counting down the minutes, the seconds. Hope keeps glancing at the bench, excitedly creeping closer to the sideline, all of them with their arms around each other. Some of them already ripping their bibs off and swinging them around as the last seconds tick down.

Japan tries to send a ball in, but Julie expertly clears it out, Carli tracking it down. Hope knows it should be time, eyeing Carli chasing a ball that’s probably going out of bounds and the ref looking down at her watch.

The whistle blows as the ball bounces out of bounds.

Suddenly the rest of the team is charging onto the field. 

It’s absolute chaos. 

They just won the fucking World Cup. 

Now there’s no way Hope can get her shit-eating grin off her face. She’s walking out of the goal, hugging players and staff alike, eyeing Carli who’s on the ground hugging HAO. Finally, she makes her way to her best friend, both of them just grinning and shaking their head. Carli’s crying and Hope tries not to. 

“We did it!” Carli yells to be heard over the roar of the audience as they hug. 

Hope laughs, shaking her head. “No, you did it. Locked it up for us.” 

They share another laugh and everyone makes their rounds. Abby joins in on their hug, and then as she walks away, Hope hits her arm to make her turn around. 

“Hey,” is all she says before they tightly grip onto each other. 

Hope tries really hard not to cry, just lets her head rest on Abby’s shoulder for a moment before they continue to meet their teammates. 

She keeps walking around until she spots a small bun yards away. She can see the way Kelley’s eyes are slightly furrowed and her jaw tight. Somehow the image makes her laugh, Kelley trying not to get emotional. 

They find each other, after they manage to get flags from the crowd, after they all run around the stadium, laughing and letting the flags run behind them, after hearing “WE WON THE WORLD CUP!” around the pitch over and over. The staff is trying to settle the team down and gather them to receive their medals, being somewhat successful overall. Kelley’s jumping around, now smiley as opposed to crying after the whistle. 

Hope chuckles, gently kicking Kelley’s foot with her own. “I can’t tell if you have to pee or just can’t stop moving.” 

Kelley looks up, grin only growing wider when she realizes it’s Hope. “Little bit of both.” 

“Well don’t pee on the podium,” the goalkeeper teases. “I’m sure that’ll make headlines.” 

The younger woman rolls her eyes, pushing Hope’s arm. “Shut the fuck up, Hope.” 

“Hey,” Hope smiles, putting a hand on Kelley’s shoulder to stop her from moving. “We did it.”

“We totally did.” 

Kelley’s eyes are shining so brightly Hope’s taken back to London where they found each other as the final whistle blew to signal their victory. Before Hope knows it, she’s pulling the small woman into her arms and hugging her tightly. She closes her eyes for only a moment when Kelley’s head finds itself nestled in Hope’s neck. 

She wonders what it would be like to have the warmth she feels when Kelley’s wrapped up in her arms all the time 

“Hey let’s stop being emotional!” Pinoe yells at them from a few feet away. “We’re about to get our fucking trophy!” 

Hope and Kelley laugh, pulling away and going to their respective spots to be awarded their gold medals.

A few minutes later, once everyone has their medals and the trophy’s been handed to the team and confetti is flying everywhere, Hope takes a moment to look around. The stadium is still deafeningly full - it’s impossible to see any faces, only red, white and blue throughout the whole stadium. Her teammates are around her, laughing and screaming and maybe even crying a little. 

Hope’s surprised she hasn’t burst into tears since Carli’s goal. She’s dreamed of this moment for so long - worked her whole life to be here right now with these people. She almost wants to give a big “fuck you” to everyone to told her and the team they wouldn’t pull it off, to everyone who had their doubts. 

2007 and 2011 have nothing on 2015. Absolutely nothing. 

Hope’s turns to her side as Boxxy walks by, Whitney’s next to her engaged in a conversation with Cheney on the step above. She’s about to join in on their conversation when out of the corner of her eye, Hope sees Kelley - also on the step above - looking right at her. She turns her head, permanent smile still on her face. 

“Hey,” Hope says, noticing Kelley’s face is probably just as shiny as her brand new medal she’s wearing around her neck. 

With an open mouth smile, Kelley leans forward, grabbing Hope’s head with both of her hands. Before the goalkeeper can comprehend what’s happening, Kelley pulls her head towards her and places a kiss right above Hope’s right temple. 

It’s soft, it’s sweet, it’s innocent. 

Hope’s eyes widen slightly. 

“We’re champions!” Kelley cries out a moment later after pulling away, adding a little jump. 

She manages to laugh and nod, but she’s about to explode. Kelley just kissed her head, and Hope doesn’t know what to make of it, doesn’t know what she should do. She can’t for the life of her think of a time Kelley was the one making the first move - since the beginning she had always waited for Hope to lead the way, show her which boundaries to push when it came to physical contact. 

But the freckled woman is still looking at her with a beaming expression on her face, rocking back and forth in excitement until someone takes her attention away from Hope. Touching the place on her forehead, she’s immediately brought back to the night before when she wanted to kiss Kelley. The older woman tries to shake it off as Whitney pulls her into the earlier conversation with Lauren. 

The spot on Hope’s head where Kelley’s lips were is on fire for the rest of the time.


	3. three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It takes a few seconds of silence for it to settle. For Hope to understand. Her chest tightens when she realizes what Kelley’s trying to say.

As if there wasn’t enough alcohol in the locker room after the ceremony.

Once they’d all settled down enough to shower off all the sweat and stickiness of champagne, they were brought back to the hotel to change. The team, their friends and family are in the bar their staff managed to rent out, and it’s absolutely incredible. Hope can’t remember feeling this good and free.

“HOPE!” Pinoe yells, practically hopping over to her. “Have another drink!”

Hope laughs, easily amused at how easily some of her teammates can get wasted. She gives in and nods, allowing another drink to be poured for her. Taking in the scene around her, she can’t wipe the smile off of her face. It’s the first time in a long time Hope’s seen every single one of her teammates genuinely elated - she never wants this to go away, never wants the people who have looked out and taken care of her every step of the way here to be hurt.

Her fingers trace the medal sitting on her chest, reminding her that everything happening is very much real. They won the World Cup, she won Golden Glove again - they’ve done it. They’ve truly done it.  


An hour later she’s definitely feeling the effects of alcohol, with what she was actually able to consume in the locker room and the drinks she’s been having here, Hope’s letting loose a little (a lot) and it feels like she’s never going to come down from the high of the win.

“WORLD CHAMPIONS!” someone yells. It leads to a chorus of cheers and whooping and hollering. Hope only laughs.

She wiggles her way through the crowd a few minutes later, deciding she needs some space and maybe has a slight urge to pee. Once the restroom door is in sight, she walks a little faster, letting out a breath she didn’t realize she was holding once she enters the white-tiled room. The music is muffled now, letting her focus her thoughts for a moment.

“Oh hey!”

Hope’s eyes go to the figure in front of the sinks and they widen slightly when she realizes it’s Kelley who just spoke.

Her mouth forms into a grin as she replies, “Kelley!” with an exaggeration on the _y_. She makes her way to the freckled woman, still towering over her despite Kelley wearing wedges. “Hi.”

“Watcha doin’ in here?” Keley slightly slurs, and Hope tries to hold in a laugh because it’s so funny how fast alcohol hits the small woman. There’s no doubt she’s already going to feel in in the morning.

“It’s a restroom Kelley, what do you think I’m doing in here?” Hope shoots back with a shake of her head, still smiling.

“ _Right_ ,” the defender drawls out, nodding.

The goalkeeper rolls her eyes, proceeding to use the restroom. She steps out when she’s done, surprised to find Kelley still at the sinks.

“What are you still doing here?” she asks, reaching the sink closest to her and beginning to wash her hands.

A goofy smile finds Kelley’s lips and she shrugs. “Waiting for you.”

“How nice of you,” Hope snorts.

“Southern hospitality,” she grins back with an exaggerated southern accent.

Hope can’t help the way her stomach flutters at how - well, adorable drunk Kelley can be. There’s obnoxious drunk Kelley, there’s fun drunk Kelley and now there’s adorable drunk Kelley. She remembers how she used to read Kelley like a book, how Kelley O’Hara went through almost all the drunk versions of herself the night they won gold in London.

She turns the water off and tells herself not to think about that night.

She dries her hands and feels Kelley staring. In her mind she sees Kelley’s hazel eyes staring up at her in the dark.

 _Stop_ , she tells herself.

“You didn’t have to wait for me,” Hope tells her, tossing her paper towels away.

Kelley shrugs. “I wasn’t ready to go back out yet. Too many people!”

Hope raises an eyebrow. “And now you are?”

“With you, yeah,” Kelley nods quickly.

She looks like a child afraid to face the world alone. She looks like she’s a few drinks away from blacking out. She looks like she too is definitely on a high from their World Cup title. Hope can’t help but soften at the sight.

“Come on KO, let’s go party,” she says with a soft smile and begins to make her way to the door.

Kelley’s hand is suddenly on her wrist, tugging her back. “Wait Hope!”

Hope grows slightly annoyed. “What Kel?” she asks, turning around to face her.

“I-I’ve missed you.”

It sounds hesitant and scared, but Kelley’s looking at her with her big hazel eyes anyway.

Hope furrows her brows, slightly confused. “What are you talking about? Kelley we’ve spent everyday together - we’ve spent the past two months together.” She lets out a soft laugh that holds no humor because Kelley’s looking at her so honestly she doesn’t understand it.

“No Hope,” Kelley shakes her head, her grip on the older woman’s wrist becoming tighter. Her words are so much softer when she repeats, “I missed you. So much.”

It takes a few seconds of silence for it to settle. For Hope to understand.

Her chest tightens when she realizes what Kelley’s trying to say.

She missed her.

She missed Hope.

“Kelley…” Hope manages to say because really, what else could she come up with? She’s drunk and Kelley won’t stop looking at her with those pretty eyes and Hope’s slightly entranced by her freckles.

She doesn’t get another moment to think about what to say.

Kelley tugs at Hope again, this time more towards her, down and forward, and leans up to press her lips against Hope’s. Hope would’ve expected to freeze up, to be unsure, but Kelley’s lips are a taste of something distantly familiar so she allows herself to melt into her, one hand reaching up to caress Kelley’s face.

Kelley’s soft with a hint of fierceness. Just like she remembers.

And that’s the problem.

Hope pulls away from her, the place where Kelley’s hand is still gripping her wrist burning. She looks at Kelley, trying to find regret or fear or anything that tells her she shouldn’t have done that. Because she knows she shouldn’t have.

Her stomach twists when she doesn’t find any.

“Kelley, you and I-”

“Don’t do this to me Hope,” Kelley warns her.

Her voice is on the edge of cracking and they both know it. Hope doesn’t know when but there are tears beginning to form in Kelley’s eyes.

“You’re drunk,” Hope continues. “I’m drunk. We shouldn’t-”

“Let me have this,” Kelley begs, her grip once again tightening. “You left me, Hope.”

“Kelley.”

The freckled woman lets go of her but doesn’t step back. Hope can see the rise and fall of Kelley’s chest with every breath she takes. She’s itching to get back out to the rest of the celebration so she can grab another drink and pretend this didn’t happen because Kelley’s super drunk and won’t remember.

Kelley slowly grabs the fabric of Hope’s top and pulls her so close Hope can feel Kelley’s front against hers. The goalkeeper clenches her jaw. She keeps her eyes locked on Kelley. She could push her away and run. She could blow up in Kelley’s face. She weighs her options.

“Please.”

It’s a final plea. It’s quiet and almost whiny and Hope hates herself because she’s never been able to deny Kelley when it comes to this.

Kelley tastes like champagne and memories Hope used to know.

She tries not to think too much about it as she backs Kelley up into the wall.

* * *

 

Hope’s awake well before her roommate and well before her alarm goes off. She - just like just about everyone else on the team - had possibly alarming amounts of alcohol last night, but it wasn’t enough to make her forget. She still remembers the way her lips ghosted across freckles, how legs wrapped around her waist.

She remembers they stayed in the bathroom until someone loudly entered the bathroom, drunk and in high spirits.

“Fuck,” Hope curses under her breath as she sits up, rubbing her head.

It’s a miracle everyone managed to make it back to their hotel rooms last night. She peers over at a very soundly sleeping - perhaps snoring? - Ali Krieger and laughs softly. Deciding she can’t sit in bed and wait around for her alarm to go off, Hope slides out of bed, pulling on some shoes and makes her way to the bathroom.

Once the water’s running from the sink, she lets out a sigh. When she closes her eyes all she can see are Kelley’s looking right at her, all she can feel is the way the younger woman tugged her forward, how drunk and dumb they were to let it happen, but Hope hadn’t had the heart to stop it.

She should’ve stopped it when Kelley looked at her that night and wanted Hope to answer questions she’d never considered answering about their past.

As she leans down and splashes herself with cold water, a thought comes to her mind.

_Will Kelley even remember? How much did she have to drink before the bathroom? and after?_

Once her face is washed, and she’s able to recollect her thoughts, Hope steps out of the bathroom to see Ali lying flat on her back and squinting up at the ceiling.

“Good morning,” Hope laughs, passing Ali’s bed.

“Hi Hope,” she manages, refusing to move from her position at all. “How are you feeling?”

“Probably better than you,” the goalkeeper teases. “but I’m sure you’re doing much better than Pinoe.”

Ali laughs, turning her head to look at Hope. She stares for a moment at her, making Hope knit her eyebrows together.

“Yes, Kriegs?”

“We’re world champions.”

The defender says it with a smile so genuine and happy Hope decides she’s managing her hangover fairly well. She smiles back at her, nodding her head.

“World champions,” she repeats back to the brunette.  


Hope knows it’s rather immature to try to avoid Kelley at every given moment. So, she doesn’t try to. Luck’s on her side this morning and so far she hasn’t run into Kelley nor found a chance to seek her out. It’s not until Kelley walks onto the bus with shades on that Hope realizes perhaps Kelley’s the one who’s been trying to avoid all human contact (not just Hope Solo) this morning.

“For such a small body, you’d think she’d be able to pace herself,” Alyssa comments as she walks to her seat, shaking her head.

Hope watches Kelley carefully as she plops into her seat halfway down the aisle. The gears in her head start turning, knowing that it’s highly possible Kelley doesn’t remember. That thought alone should relieve Hope, but instead it makes her clench her jaw slightly.

So far, it’s fine. It’s completely fine, really. Hope doesn’t run into Kelley and Kelley almost growls at anyone who speaks too loudly in her vicinity. That is, until whatever she had this morning to make her pain subside begins to kick in, and the sunglasses are on top of her head and she’s beginning to have her usual attitude. Hope catches her eye not once, not twice, but three times. They don’t look away immediately, which drives Hope insane because this almost confirms that Kelley remembers, that despite being drunk off her ass and partying too hard, she remembers the bathroom.

“Why do you look completely fine?” a voice asks a few minutes before they go on air.

Hope’s surprised to find a still slightly hungover Kelley O’Hara at her side. She tenses for a moment, and is slightly surprised Kelley sounds incredibly normal.

“Some of us know how to handle our liquor,” she quips back with a shrug.

“Hey! When the drinks are in front of you, you can’t just decline,” the defender argues back.

Kelley’s looking at her as if she’s trying to find Hope’s secret to looking like she didn’t drink a shit ton the previous night, but Hope feels like the younger woman’s searching for the truth about what happened last night, if it was real.

“Okay Kelley,” Hope says with a slight shake of her head and a small smile.

It seems innocent enough, Hope decides. She figures maybe Kelley doesn’t remember, and that’s good enough for her. She’ll pretend it never happened, let them go back to what they were before getting drunk and making out in a public restroom. She won’t let her moment of stupidity ruin what they’re building up again.

“Two minutes till we’re live!”

Hope lets out a breath as Carli stands beside her.

Everything will be fine.

* * *

Hope just wants some time on the roof alone. Ali had been smart enough to find company in Ashlyn’s room, but the setting just wasn’t right for Hope to be sitting alone in a hotel room with clothes and baggage everywhere.

So she settles for the roof and the pretty stars in the sky.

It’s strange without Kelley by her side, rattling off useless information and making Hope laugh even when all she wants to do is sit and look at the sky for a moment. But Hope feels like she needs this for herself, to really think about her biggest accomplishment yet.

And maybe to not think so much about Kelley and how much she’d missed her lips.

The peace and quiet doesn’t last very long because the fire escape door opens almost half an hour later. Somehow, Hope knows who it is without turning around.

“What are you doing up here?” Hope asks, her back still facing the door.

“I could ask you the same question,” the person replies. “Went to your room, but no one was there. There were only two other places I figured you’d be.”

The goalkeeper finally turns her head to watch Kelley settle into the spot next to her. She raises her eyebrow. “You were looking for me?”

“One more night to look up at the Canadian sky,” is all Kelley tells her with a small smile before she turns her attention to the wide night sky.

Hope looks at her for a moment longer before doing the same. She’s a little tense, still not sure about it all. Her jaw tightens slightly as the memory of Kelley oh the way Kelley’s lips ghosted her skin comes back. How could someone make Hope feel so much, but not remember any of it?

“I still can’t believe we won,” Kelley finally says after a few more minutes of silence.

“It’s so surreal,” Hope nods. “but I believe it. We had it coming.”

The younger woman turns at her and smiles, causing Hope to face her as well. “Do you really think so?”

She laughs. “Of course I do, Kelley. I’ve never been on a team like this, this is special.”

It’s almost as if Kelley stops breathing for a minute because there might just be an underlying message in what Hope’s trying to say. Hope for a moment falters, as if she’s said the wrong thing. She eyes Kelley carefully, waiting for her next move.

“This tournament wouldn’t have been the same without you,” the freckled woman admits, voice softer now despite being the only two on the roof.

The sentiment makes Hope’s whole expression soften. It tugs at her chest in ways she knows no one else can do, and that’s something incredibly dangerous. It’s so easy to forget how exposed and vulnerable Kelley can make her. The way her stomach flips is something the woman tries so hard to ignore, despite how much more stronger it is with each occurrence.

“I’m glad I’m here,” she replies, matching Kelley’s tone.

The little freckles splayed across Kelley’s face are more detailed up close, Hope’s traced them with her eyes so many times it feels like muscle memory. Those green-hazel eyes are looking at her so gently, so unassumingly it almost throws Hope off. Kelley’s the only person who can look at Hope that way and be honest about it, like she’s really seeing only the good parts of Hope and none of the bad.

That little detail is also something incredibly dangerous.

Kelley forms a soft smile, slightly leaning forward towards Hope’s face. “Me too.”

Hope takes in a quiet breath, knowing very well just how close Kelley is to her. There’s no one else around, but it doesn’t matter because all she can feel is the way Kelley’s looking at her, all she can hear is the way Kelley inhales and exhales every breath she takes, and all she can see is Kelley’s endless freckles adorning her face. The older woman’s eyes flicker down to Kelley’s lips before returning to the upper part of her face.

Kelley’s eyes flicker.

Hope feels a bubbling in her stomach.

Kelley doesn’t know.

She can’t know. She wasn’t just looking where Hope thinks she was looking.

The silence between them grows louder. It’s almost deafening, but it doesn’t matter anyway because Hope’s beginning to hear her heart thump against her chest ever so clearly in her ears. Each second that passes by feels like an eternity. Kelley’s eyes are almost glazed over and she’s not quite looking Hope in the eye all the way.

Kelley’s eyes flicker again.

Hope opens her mouth with the intention of saying something - anything to get them out of this weird trance they’ve found themselves in, the weird position in which they’re both equal and Hope doesn’t have the upperhand like she usually does between the two of them. She tries to form words, to blurt out something so this spell breaks and they’re normal again.

She doesn’t get her chance.

Kelley closes the gap, her lips fitting with Hope’s open mouth.

It’s like last night all over again except this time they’re both very much sober.

The goalkeeper reacts on pure desire and want. Her hand comes up to gently cup Kelley’s jaw, holding her in place. She goes in deeper, closing her eyes and trying not to smile when she feels a hand grip onto her arm. With her free hand she tugs at Kelley’s old t-shirt to beckon her closer. The younger woman obliges almost immediately, tightening her grip on Hope’s arm, the other hand going to the goalkeeper’s shoulder as she shifts closer. She’s basically straddling Hope at this point, holding onto her so she doesn’t lose balance. Hope moves her hand from Kelley’s chin to her cheek as the other hand wraps around the smaller woman’s waist, suddenly needing to be close to Kelley as possible.

Hope pulls away with her mind reeling. Her breathing is shallow and she looks at Kelley, who is also trying to catch her breath. A moment later, Kelley’s laughing softly, resting her forehead against Hope’s.

“What are you laughing at?” the goalkeeper asks, confused.

Kelley’s laughter subsides until all there’s left is a knowing smile. “This is a little more romantic than being drunk in the bathroom, isn’t it? The sky, the roof...”

It takes Hope by surprise that her jaw actually drops. Her eyes widen and it only amuses Kelley even more, widening the defender’s smile.

“You’re the biggest little shit, you know that?” Hope asks, trying her best to glare at the woman pretty much sitting in her lap.

She can only try so hard because Kelley’s looking at her with a brightness in her eyes Hope used to know so fondly.

“It’s part of my appeal,” the freckled woman smirks.

And she knows they should probably talk about this and figure it out. They can’t go down the same road they went three years ago. It’s dangerous, it’s reckless, it’s stupid. Kelley’s looking at her without another damn in the world, and Hope can’t help but give in.

“Shut the fuck up, O’Hara.”

“Make me.”

Hope obliges without hesitation.

**Author's Note:**

> so...i thought i'd try my hand at some lengthy o'solo? I swear this was supposed to just be a oneshot but then I started writing and couldn't stop. Honestly I don't know how long this is going to end up being, but I guess we'll see. Let me know what you think! feel free to yell at me here or over at shimshots on tumblr


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